December 17, 2007

Shut UP - You're Not Helping!

Some interesting comments in the CNN story about two escaped convicts: in a plot reminiscent of ESCAPE FROM ALCATRAZ or THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION, the escapees dug holes in the walls that they kept hidden behind nude centerfolds, and fooled guards into thinking they were still in their cell by making dummies to lie in their beds.

Union County Prosecutor Ted Romanko tried to wave off any comparison between the prison break and the movies:
"I really prefer not to compare with any movie, although I can understand why you might because it does look certainly very similar to some of them."
Similar? Let's have a look:

Inmates' goodbye note: 'Thanks for tools, officer'A dummy lies under a blanket to fool the guards in the NJ prison break.

A scene from Escape from Alcatraz
A Dummy lies under a blanket in a scene from "Escape from Alcatraz"

Call me crazy, but that's about as close as you can get.

But Romanko digs himself and the prison deeper: the inmates hid the holes in their walls behind "photographs of bikini-clad women." In SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION, the prisoner uses a series of pin-up girls, starting with Rita Hayworth. (The full title of the short story the movie is based on was "Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption)

Romanko's damning comment:
" 'The Shawshank Redemption' they had a better poster on the wall."
"Better?" "Better" as in "the big ass Rita Hayworth poster did a better job of covering the hole than a magazine centerfold or two?" How is the fact that these inmates did a worse job covering the hole they dug something to criticize when it was still more than enough to let them GET AWAY WITH IT? That kind of "better?" Is Romanko smoking CRACK?

I know what you're thinking, you're thinking, c'mon, how could they know? I mean, WHO tries to pull that movie crap in real life? The prison authorities had no reason to suspect that anyone would ever try such an insane scheme to escape.

Unless, of course, they had tried it before:
"According to police, Blunt tried to escape in September using similar methods."
Oh, sure, how could anyone have POSSIBLY guessed that this guy would try to act out a movie to escape from prison - AGAIN?

No wonder the escapees left a thank-you note. I would have, too. The guards did everything but unlock the doors for them.

Oh, did I forget to mention the thank-you note?
"Thank you officer -------- for the tools needed, you're a real pal, Happy Holidays, :-)" *
Of course, prison policies are as much to blame as lackadaisical oversight; the article also reports that they men had FOOTLOCKERS to hide the peices of brick in. Hey, why not give them a lockbox so they can safeguard their shivs? FOOTLOCKERS?!? Are you nucking futs?

Let's face it, there's no way the authorities are going to come out of this without looking like idiots. But jeez, someone shut Romanko up before he says something ELSE incredibly stupid. Dude, you're only digging the hole deeper. Quit talking. Seriously.

*I'm not shitting you - there was a smiley. Honest to god.

1 comment:

  1. My name is John Johnson but everyone here calls me Vicki.