The Headline I've Dreamed Of

Not that I'm a publicity hound or anything, but wouldn't it be cool to open up the newspaper and see your name at the top of a news story with a positive twist? Something like "saves the day," or "hometown hero," or well, this one from today's Herald:

YEAH! I'm "The MAN!"

Not really; first, this Jahn is a first name, not a last name. And this Jahn started off as a woman, Jan. He added the 'h' to make the name more masculine.

It's still a cool headline.

It's a great story, one of committment, of transcendence and acceptance. He has had the full support of friends and family; when Jahn told his father of his decision to change genders, his father replied "your mother would be so proud of you!"

Wow.

I guess I'll have to wait awhile longer for MY headline. Maybe I'll solve the energy crisis, or write a bestseller. Maybe I'll pull someone out of a burning building someday.

I'll still stick this one on the fridge....

Sun-Sentinel makes another Bozo-no-no

The Sun-Sentinel continues to show its perpetual lack of editorial intelligence in today's edition, wherein they report that a train clipped an automobile.

So what's the problem? It implies that the Train was the Prime Motivator, instead of the automobile. In fact, the train was not the motivator, the CAR was the one in the wrong.

You see, a TRAIN runs on a TRACK: it can't steer, which means that it can't swerve to avoid something, or swing in to hit something. It just runs along its track. And it can take hundreds of yards to stop, which is why they have those big gates at those crossings, with the chimes and flashing lights.

A car, on the other hand, doesn't run on a track; it can move all over the road, or parking lot, or sidewalk, or any reasonable flat surface. It can stop in a relatively short distance.

This means that the TRAIN didn't do ANYTHING; the CAR did, and the Sun-Sentinel's story is misleading because of its phrasing. The train didn't clip the car, the car got in the way of the train.

The driver of the car claims that a car behind them nudged them onto the tracks. Of course, that would mean that the driver of that other car pushed them through the crossing gates. It's far more likely that 67 year old Lucille Gargano ignored the descending gate, and then realized she couldn't get across the tracks, and backed up into the car stopped at the gates.

In either case, the train, and Tri-Rail, took no action that resulted in this accident. The Sun-Sentinel and its reporter, Joel Marino, fail to get the basic facts in order.

Closing the Minority Gap; A Desperate Ploy

Me, I think it's desperation. Can't you hear the midnight session in a back room of GOP headquarters, 'The Man Who' and some GOP toady, trying to work it out?

TMW:
"SHIT! Their candidate is BLACK! How can we compete with that?"

Toady:
"No doubt about it, sir. This gives them great leverage with the masses."

TMW:
"My ticket needs its OWN minority; there's a minority GAP!"

Toady:
"Yessir. It's a shame we pissed all over Colin Powell, but who could have guessed? We could pull..."

TMW:
"NO! We're not raiding the Supreme Court to build up our ticket. Besides, people hate the Supremes almost as much as that punk kid. We need something else."

Toady:
"I was going to say, we could recruit someone from Miami; they have a surplus of Hispanics that are conservatives."

TMW:
"Screw that. They'll be after us to invade Cuba, for chrisake! Like we need another invasion! And we're trying to distance ourselves from the civil-rights abuse of The Punk's administration. We don't want a book-banner on our ticket!"

Toady:
"Well, let's see...there's still a lot of fallout over there that Hillary didn't get the nod...if we chose a woman, we'd not only close the minority gap, but we'd have a valid choice for all those disenfranchised Liberal gals."

TMW
"Are you crazy? Don't call them 'gals.' Shit, people think I'm old school. What's wrong with you. Still, you have a point; a woman could work. Best of all, we'd close the minority gap without having to have any, well, you know...minorities."

Toady:
"OK, a woman it is... any preferences?"

TMW:
"Just as long as she can keep her mouth shut. Don't bring me someone with a lotta damned opinions like Chrissy Whitman."

Toady:
"Well, that leaves Ann Coulter out..."

TMW:
"And a great ass! Something to make having her around worth it!"

Balancing Act: Food Trays vs. Common Sense

CNN reports that in an effort to conserve water, Glenville State College has eliminated trays from the college cafeterias. And what's more, they are not alone.

"Other schools are trying to cut down on wasted food and conserve energy. Proponents, including major food vendors, say it also reduces the use of water-polluting detergents."

So does not using detergents that don't break down. Why don't we switch to non-polluting detergents, huh?

And as for saving water, if they REALLY wanted to save water, stop watering the baseball and football fields; encourage students to only flush twice a day, and rig Navy style metered showers.

THAT's how you make a difference. Lame-brained but highly visible half-assed solutions don't solve problems, they merely give the appearance of caring about the problem.

Seriously, they could install recyclers to re-use every single drop of gray water coming out of the kitchen; instead these clueless morons decide to get rid of the trays so students are left trying to manage flimsy paper trays, napkins, plastic flatware, milk cartons, and so on, without spilling or dropping any of it. I guess these colleges believe that wasting food is preferable to "wasting" water.

What's next? Reducing electrical use by removing all the lights from schools? Hey, that's not bad; we could drop English in favor of braille. That would eliminate lighting costs AND mainstream blind literature in one fell swoop!

If our colleges are this stupid, it's no wonder we can't get a credible solution to problems out of Washington.

"Mover"-ing Day

Driving down I-95 on Friday, I saw something unusual:

It looks like the new Metro Mover cars are arriving - or are these for the Airport? Either way, they are here!

The New Key West

And it's so much closer...

Oof.

Maniac Central has been relocated. I once again reside in Fort Lauderdale, and my commute is once again a short bike ride.

I've already met all my neighbors in the building, something that took several months in Coral Gables. Teddy helped me lug all my stuff off the truck, Santiago arrived at the end and handed us some ice cold water. I also met the family next door, as well as this guy:

This guy is actually friendlier than he looks. No, really!


Today, I rode my bike over to Publix. I packed my baskets with my green re-usable grocery bags, and as I was unlocking my bike at Publix, the young woman loading groceries into the baby seat on her bike commented on my slick fold-out baskets.

"Wow. I'll have to get me some of those! I can only take my bike shopping when I leave the little one at home!"

I told here where to find them, then she and her older son (about 8 years old, and on his own bike) pedaled off home. And I did the same, in another direction. I'm currently feeling ridiculously self-righteous, which I don't deserve seeing has how winded I am from the ride. Who turned up the gravity?

So I'm moved, the great big national conference we hosted at work has successfully concluded, and I finally have time to get back to blogging...and other things.

Chez has a way with words.

I've been somewhat absent; I'm in the middle of moving from Coral Gables to Fort Lauderdale, and it's eating up more of my time than I would have thought. Where did I get all this crap, anyway?

Taking a coffee break, I read the latest at Deus Ex Malcontent, and I just fell in love with Chez' description of CNN's Wicked Witch, Nancy Grace:

"She's a vile, unscrupulous monster who peddles morbid prurience like a five-dollar whore and whose brand of rank solipsism is matched only by her near-sociopathic disregard for the lives she's ruined and exploited and by her apparent contempt for the tenets of responsible journalism (to say nothing of basic human decency)."

I only wish he was exaggerating. Nasty Nancy, in case you missed it, drove a woman to kill herself last year. Melinda Duckett's son was abducted, and Grace the Ghoul convinced Duckett to appear on her CNN show to state her case and appeal to the captors' mercy. Instead, Nasty Nancy viciously harangued Duckett, accusing her of killing her own son. Duckett killed herself before the episode aired.

Duckett's son has never been found. If Duckett was complicit in his disappearance, Grace killed any chance of discovering it.