May 23, 2008

Today's Election News Explained for Your Convenience.

Minister: Split with McCain 'best for both of us'
(CNN) - Texas televangelist John Hagee said Friday that his political divorce from Sen. John McCain is "best for both of us" and urged reporters to return to "the pressing issues of the day."
Translation:
For McCain:
It will permit him to campaign without people being forced to consider the kind of right-wing nutjobs he counts as friends, and free him to hypocritically needle Obama about his association with a vile left-wing fruitcake.
For Hagee:
He can return to spouting inane and hateful sermons without being reviled in the international press as the dour and hateful libelous clown that he is.
McCain: Obama criticisms are 'cheap shots'
(CNN) -- John McCain on Thursday called Barack Obama's attitude toward veterans benefits "a convenient campaign pledge" and wrote off the Illinois senator's criticisms of him as "cheap shots."

After Obama criticized McCain's opposition to expanding the GI Bill, McCain issued a statement accusing Obama of using "the Senate floor to take cheap shots at an opponent and easy advantage of an issue he has less than zero understanding of."

Obama said he thinks the expansion of the GI Bill would "strengthen our military and improve the number of people who are interested in volunteering to serve."McCain supports enacting legislation to expand education benefits for veterans, but he, as well as President Bush and much of the military brass, oppose this specific measure because they worry it will deplete retention rates among those currently serving in the military at a time when recruitment efforts are already struggling.

Translation:
McCain thinks our soldiers serve us best getting blown to bits on the front line in a country full of people who hate our guts for having the audacity to force them to govern themselves in a manner of our choosing.

McCain in 'excellent health,' doctor says
"(CNN) -- A team of doctors from the Mayo Clinic declared Friday that there appears to be no physical reason why Sen. John McCain, the 71-year-old presumed Republican presidential candidate, could not carry out the duties of the office."

The doctors described a number of health issues faced by McCain, many of them typical for a man of his age but at least one of them
potentially serious."

"McCain has had four malignant melanomas removed. Three of them -- on his left shoulder, left arm and left nasal wall -- were limited to the top skin layer and were not invasive. They were removed in 1993, 2000 and 2002, and all were declared Stage 0, of little long-term concern."

"McCain takes a daily aspirin to prevent formation of blood clots; an occasional Zyrtec, an antihistamine used for nasal allergies; and the sleep agent Ambien CR for treatment of insomnia when he travels."

"He also takes a multi-vitamin tablet."

Translation:

He's in excellent health for a man who has been cheating death again and again and again. But he's a 71 year old man, and when his apparent vigor goes, it's gonna take off like a prom dress. After all, he's not Captain Scarlet.

This has been a public service provided by Man, Or Maniac?

1 comment:

  1. I for one wish that the American political climate would get to a point where politicians would no longer feel the need to tie themselves to religious figures. It's apparent that both Obama and McCain sought out these figures for political reasons, with Obama's reasoning going back to his days in Chicago politics. Religion should be more personal than political.

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